Diet Adlibs

*There's no use going on a diet if you have to starve to death to live longer.

*New diet food comes in cans. You open it and there's nothing in it.

*No wonder she's fat. She claims eating makes her hungry.

*She is allowed to eat all she wants of anything she doesn't like.

*She went on a banana diet. Now she looks like one.

*Here's a new diet. You can eat all you want - steaks, spaghetti, ice cream - but only with chopsticks.

*As soon as she went on a diet, her stock went down and her weight went up.

*Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.

*She skips breakfast and luncheon, then spends the day nunchin'.

*When she went on a diet, the first thing she lost was her temper.

*It's not difficult to diet these days. Just eat what you can afford.

*An onion builds you up physically and tears you down socially.

*You can't eat your cake and diet too.

*She lost ten pounds lately. She is now on a low salary diet.

*The best reducing plan is to keep your mouth and the refrigerator shut.

*Dieting is a trying time when you stop eating food and start eating calories.

*The trouble with reducing is that it calls for less food and your appetite calls for more.

*She takes her reducing pill twice a day in a chocolate malt.

*She won't eat anything that starts with the letter Z.

*They now have a new diet - watch your food! You don't taste it, you just watch it!

*Whenever my wife goes on a new diet, all she loses is her sense of humor.

*I'd go on a diet, but I happen to be a poor loser.

*She now has a raw diet. She eats her breakfast raw, her lunch raw, but for dinner she puts on some clothes.

*By the time you're making enough money to afford sugar, your doctor says you can't have it.

*For lunch I had a large pizza with sausage, pepperoni and extra cheese. And then a diet cola.

*The toughest part of dieting isn't watching what you eat; it's watching what your friends eat.

*A health addict is one who eats health food so he won't ruin his health and have to eat health food.

*Everything is relative: a two-week vacation never seems as long as two weeks on a diet.

*The new reducing salon is called Thinner Sanctum.

*The best place for the bathroom scale is in front of your refrigerator.

*I bought a reducing machine. Now I'm starving to death to keep up the payments.

*It took a lot of will power, but finally I gave up trying to diet.

*More diets begin in dress shops than in doctor's offices.

*Calories don't count - they multiply!

*You should watch your diet - not eat it!